Avast, ye lubbers.

January 20, 2012 / posted in Sociopolitical / 1 Comment

SOPA, if passed, would affect several aspects of online life. The one I’m most interested in is illegal downloading of music.

I like the concept of illegal downloading. The widespread exchange of music online, pirated or not, has put music back into the hands of the people. That’s where it belongs. Consumers should dictate what artists get exposure, not stuffed suits in corner offices downtown.

Being able to make a bunch of money by playing music you like is a unique privilege. I’m aware of the time and effort it takes to write, record and perform. But it’s a choice you make. If you punch the clock at a factory, a store, a hospital, etc., you are entitled to a paycheck. I don’t think you’re necessarily entitled to a big fat paycheck just for playing music in front of a bunch of adoring fans. When you set out to make money by playing music, you’re gambling. By now everyone should know that the cards are seriously stacked almost impossibly against them in this effort.

My personal experience involves playing in very low-level bands that were never signed, never toured and never played big festivals or anything like that. In other words, it hasn’t made me rich. And guess what? I’ve enjoyed the hell out of it. Why? Because I treat it as a hobby, not a cash cow. So if I need a paycheck, I’ve gotten it the old fashioned way – punching the clock. I’m delighted to give away the music I’ve made for free. If someone else enjoys it, that’s more than enough for me.

It’s not my opinion that it’s a birthright to rake in the cash just because you write and record music. You’re damned lucky if that does happen. Let’s face it, we don’t need music to survive. We need oxygen, water, food, shelter and medical care. If someone who ensures that we have access to those things doesn’t get paid, he has legitimate grounds to complain about it. Every cent a person makes by producing entertainment is a gift. Again, I’m not saying it’s a cakewalk to be a working musician, I know it’s not. In a perfect world, every person alive would be reasonably compensated for his efforts. But this ain’t no perfect world.  Isn’t it kind of obnoxious when a guy who probably spends $100 just on his breakfast every day complains about illegal downloading when he’s already made a fortune by living a life that many people consider fantasy?

The Tipping Point of Extremity

January 1, 2012 / posted in Metal / No Comments

Has anyone else been watching the “Metal Evolution” series?

I think it’s been a good series so far. I really enjoyed Sam Dunn’s other work (“Metal – A Headbanger’s Journey”, “Global Metal”, the Rush and Iron Maiden documentaries), and I think he has thus far done a great job of presenting the real story of metal to a larger audience. The episodes about pre- and early metal gave me a new perspective on metal’s origins, and I found that some of the earlier practitioners had/have similar attitudes to the artists that followed. That’s a new thing for me. Well into adulthood I continued to think “screw dinosaur rockers, they have nothing to do with metal”. I’m secure enough to admit I was wrong about that.

One major problem though. Conspicuous in its absence from the series is an episode on the most extreme end of metal, particularly black metal and death metal. I recently read a rumor in the comment section of a major metal/hard rock news website. Bear in mind that I have not personally confirmed the veracity of the rumor, but it’s not that big a stretch for me to believe it, given all the facts.

The rumor states that Sam Dunn wanted to include an episode on black metal and death metal but VH-1 wouldn’t allow it. VH-1 is perfectly willing to allow an episode on thrash, presumably because of Metallica’s popularity, but DM/BM is a no-go. What is the thought process there? My guess is it’s something along these lines:

“Metallica and Slayer are edgy enough to help our network avoid looking like washed-up fuddy-duddies. But we better steer clear of that ‘kill-your-mother’ Cookie Monster vocals stuff with all the Satanists and church-burners. It would hurt the delicate little feelings of our audience and our sponsors.”

Is it censorship? It totally is! Censorship’s alive and well. In last night’s episode about thrash, did you notice that when Dunn listed the topics of the lyrics of thrash bands, he left out Satan? Why? Slayer got a ton of coverage in the episode, but not once were their Satanic or anti-religious lyrics mentioned. Strange, since VH-1 allowed the cover of “Reign In Blood” to be splashed across the screen. Gary Holt from Exodus was given the green light to trumpet his lyrics about killing people. Is killing people considered more acceptable than contrived Satan worship? And how come Lars Ulrich never uttered a peep about Venom’s influence on Metallica when he’s done that in a million other interviews? Hell, Venom wasn’t even mentioned in the episode. All that makes it easy to believe that VH-1 said “no way” to a DM/BM episode.

That’s a shame. Regardless of one’s opinion of the more extreme forms of metal, one cannot possibly deny the enormous scope of the subgenres. It’s not the kind of thing you’ll hear pop artists covering, it’s not the kind of thing you’ll hear over the PA at a sporting event or in a car commercial. Does that somehow downgrade its significance? Hell NO. I own about 2000 actual physical CDs, a large percentage of which are underground black, death and doom metal. I have a whole lot more downloaded on my hard drive. While my collection is sizeable, it only scratches the surface of the entire phenomenon. Countless bands have done work, are working now and will continue to work, even if they just do one demo and quit. And here’s the thing – no matter how crappy that demo is, no matter how poorly produced or performed, someone somewhere likes it. This happens in nearly every country on the globe.

See, I know Sam Dunn wouldn’t deliberately ignore black metal or death metal, since he covered it in “Global Metal” and “Metal- A Headbanger’s Journey”. I think VH-1 just wants you to listen to Van Halen, Aerosmith, maybe a little Maiden, maybe a little Metallica. They want you to spend the rest of your life reliving your glorious, zit-encrusted adolescence in the 70s and 80s. They don’t want to confront the actual evolution of metal. They want you to believe that “grunge killed metal”. They want you to think that the cutting edge of 20 and 30 years ago is still sharp because the cutting edge that came after that is too sharp for public consumption. They feel threatened by the progression of metal into more challenging forms and they want you to be too. Their version of metal is just a rockin’ good time and nothing more. Anything else has no worth. And the wimps who cough up advertising dollars could not agree more.

Some devotees might prefer that Dunn not cover DM/BM on a major network. Dunn came under fire for his coverage of black metal in “Metal- A Headbanger’s Journey”, because some feel he spent too much time dwelling on the Norwegian church burnings and murders. I agree in certain respects. Varg, Faust, Euronymous, Absurd et al made a big splash with their activities in the early 90s. If anyone can report on those events with the right perspective, it’s Sam Dunn.

But on the other hand, can’t someone just report on extreme metal and focus on the actual music and the impact it has on the artists who perform it and the fans who enjoy it? Does everything have to have a tabloid quality? It is SO unfair to paint a very large worldwide phenomenon (which most often involves nothing more than some people playing music and some fans enjoying it) with the broad brush of the early 90s Norway events.

Does the entire genre of classic rock get painted with the broad brush of the kiddie porn on Pete Townsend’s computer? Or Phil Spector being a murderer? When you think “Motown”, do you think “Ike Turner the drugged up wifebeater”? That doesn’t seem to be the general pattern and that’s fine with me. It would be inaccurate, unfair and slanderous. So why should people only think “burning churches and stabbing homosexuals” when black metal is mentioned? That crap happened 20 years ago and less than ten people were truly guilty of being involved. Drop it already.

Thanks for reading. And listen to real metal. It’s the right thing to do.

How to get my vote: Dos and don’ts

December 11, 2011 / posted in Uncategorized / 1 Comment

If you’re running for president, you want my vote. Lucky you! I’m about to give you very simple instructions.

DO:

- Tell me you’re concerned about the federal budget.

- Tell me you’re concerned about skyrocketing unemployment.

- Tell me you’re concerned about foreign policy. Acknowledge that we’ve got a serious mess on our hands in far-flung corners of the globe.

- Tell me you’re concerned about aging infrastructure. Affirm my nervousness about driving over crumbling bridges.

- Explain some practical ideas you have about how to fix the above four issues.

- Appear genuine.

- Speak up about who coughed up big money for your campaign.

- Convey an allegiance to the nation.

DON’T:

- Tell me about your faith. That’s your business, not mine.

- Claim to be “pro-life” if you’re pro-war or pro-death penalty. You’re “anti-abortion”, not “pro-life”.

- Deny man-made climate change. Whether it’s true or not, you’re a politician, not a climatologist.

- Say anything about your “family values”.

- In fact, don’t talk about any of the above four issues in public at all until the economic, infrastructure and foreign policy nightmares end.

- Talk in big, melodramatic phrases. Quit trying to get a famous quote into the history books and just talk, damn it.

- Use cozy, down-home language (i.e., leaving the letter G off the end of the “ing” suffix”) when you’re speaking to midwestern farmers and then try to sound all erudite when you’re addressing college students in New England. Just be yourself.

- Convey an allegiance to your constituents, your church, your campaign donors, or your party.

 

Hope that helps.

War on the holidays

December 3, 2011 / posted in Sociopolitical / 2 Comments

Yeah, I know, VF has been on hiatus. Cut me some slack, I’ve been busy.

Anyway, back to it. Today the press is reporting that the Fort Worth, Texas school district has given Santa the boot. No gift exchanges, no cards, no visits from Santa, and no decorations of a relgious nature allowed.

So here come the bellowing protests from “conservatives” about the War on Christmas.

The first thing they’ll complain about is the phrase “Happy Holidays”. Why? People have been saying “Happy Holidays” as long as I can remember, and I wasn’t born yesterday. Why say ”Happy Holidays”? Maybe because a few different holidays are celebrated within a week or so? Maybe. Christmas, Hannukah, and New Year’s. Hell-LO. No one ever cried about “Happy Holidays” until recently, when everyone suddenly decided they always had to bitch about something that generally does not affect them.

On the other hand, no one should be telling anyone they can’t say “Merry Christmas”, if that does in fact happen.

Given the current sociopolitical climate, I don’t blame the Fort Worth school district for the ban. It’s too distracting these days. People are on a hair trigger with this crap. If someone says “Merry Christmas”, a non-Christian will make a federal case out of it. If someone says “Happy *insert non-Christian holiday here*”, a Christian will make a federal case about it. Screw that. The more educators have to deal with that sort of thing, the less they’re teaching students how to find their home state on a map or how to add 1 and 1.

It’s a different kind of melting pot these days whether you like it or not. Better get used to it. Your religion is not the only one. Nor is your culture or ethnic background. The world does not revolve around you. This would be an awfully boring and sterile world if it did.

In addition to the ban on Jesus-in-the-manger scenes, they also don’t allow students to play football in the classroom. Does this constitute an attack on liberty? Is this a War on Football? No, you shrieking banshees, you can’t play football in class because it’s the wrong place for it.  Do you urinate in the kitchen? Cook meals in the bathroom? Do you have sex in the checkout aisle at the supermarket? Do you shop for auto parts at a hair salon? Go to a podiatrist to get your eyes checked? Do you play volleyball on a hockey rink? Why can’t I play volleyball on a hockey rink? This is America, dammit, a lot of brave men and women put their blood in the ground to protect my right to play volleball on a hockey rink! This attack on my liberty MUST STOP!!!!

It’s not political correctness gone wild, it’s not socialism, it’s not Naziism. I have yet to hear of anyone being stopped from practicing their faith in their home or church. If a sign at Target says “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”, is your Christmas tree going to spontaneously combust? I doubt it. So give it a rest.

 

Join the club!

August 6, 2011 / posted in Uncategorized / 3 Comments

You now require a user name and password to make comments. Congrats and big thanks to courtjesster, a loyal reader who is the first to register!

Random metal thoughts

August 4, 2011 / posted in Metal / 2 Comments

1. Contrary to much-too-popular belief, grunge did not kill metal in the 1990s. Poison and Warrant albums stopped flying off record store shelves while Nirvana and Pearl Jam albums started flying off shelves. Poison, Warrant and all the other glam/hair rock bands were not metal, aren’t metal now and never will be metal. Metal did not die in the 1990s. Far from it. The 1990s were a very exciting time for the metal enthusiast. The subgenres (black metal, death metal, doom, progressive, etc) were emerging, developing and blending. It is true that legacy bands like Iron Maiden and Judas Priest were playing clubs in the US. In every other country they were still filling arenas and stadiums. So if someone tries to tell you that metal died in the 1990s, feel free to point and laugh.

2. Not all metal that came out after 1989 is “downtuned noise with Cookie Monster vocals”. First of all, using “Cookie Monster” to describe extreme metal vocals was funny for about 5 minutes back in 1991. Second, to think that all the metal that has come out in the past 2 decades can be described in that manner is just plain ignorant. If you’re one of those people that thinks that way, just go to Wikipedia. Choose a random country. If you choose Germany, do a search for “German heavy metal bands”. Peruse the list, pick a few bands, and look for the bands’ videos on YouTube. That should set you straight. And you never know, you might just find something new that you enjoy. One of the great things about metal is the incredible variety within the genre.

3. “Living Color is the best black metal band ever” is an even less funny quip than the “Cookie Monster” thing. At least the “Cookie Monster” thing was actually somewhat amusing for a few minutes 20 years ago.

4. Yeah, I’m 42 years old. No, I don’t like stuff like August Burns Red and The Black Dahlia Murder. That does not mean I am “stuck in the 80s”, nor does it mean that I only like obscure black metal. Far from it. I’m fairly confident that when someone accuses me of being stuck in the 80s or only liking obscure black metal, chances are good that I have way more music released in 2011 and a far greater variety than they do.

5. On a similar note to #4, just because I like newer metal does not mean that I don’t like a lot of classic metal. I do, quite a bit in fact. Yes, I have outgrown some of the stuff I liked when I was younger. Some bands and some material just have not withstood the test of time for me. But some totally have.

6. Some people have an issue with the language that metalheads use to express their enthusiasm. “Band X is gay”, “Band Y needs to die”, “Anyone who doesn’t like Band Z is an idiot”, “Band ABC is gay, needs to die, and anyone who likes them is a gay idiot who needs to die”. Et cetera. When I see or hear (or, admittedly, make) statements like that, I don’t see homophobia, misogyny, or murderous intent. I see sarcasm and irony. I see enthusiasm. Allow me to give you a brief metalese lesson.

Metalese: “Anyone who doesn’t like Marduk is a gay idiot and needs to die”.

English: “I really like Marduk”.

It’s that simple.  The guy saying that does not really feel that you’re a gay idiot who needs to die if you don’t like Marduk. His own mother very likely doesn’t like Marduk, and it’s a bit of a stretch to think that he condemns his mother as a gay idiot who needs to die.

Satire.

August 4, 2011 / posted in Uncategorized / 3 Comments

For those who have been telling me that “How to run a Glenn Beck-approved political camp for kids” is slanted, exaggerated, and inaccurate:

 

IT’S SATIRE

Odin hates inbred fundamentalist lunatics

August 3, 2011 / posted in Sociopolitical / No Comments

 

I just found out that the almighty Westboro Baptist Church is planning to picket in Norway. You know their deal.

Talk about adding insult to injury. Glenn Beck calls the murder victims Nazis. Now Fred Phelps is going to bring his slimy reprobate family to spit on the graves. What on Earth did Norway do to deserve this?

The people of Norway need to say “Hell no!” to letting these dung-piles into their country. Someone needs to stand up to the WBC. They keep getting a pass. That must end. Our authorities here have been extremely weak, citing First Amendment issues as justification for letting these unevolved poltroons run wild. I hope Norway shows more spinal fortitude than we have.

Something else perplexes me regarding the WBC. Their website has a sister site called “God hates Islam”. Does Al Qaeda know about that? Why is a fatwa issued on a cartoonist for depicting Mohammed, but not on WBC? Far be it from me to root for Al Qaeda, but if they blow up the WBC’s headquarters, I’m not going to be reaching for the Kleenex.

 

How to run a Glenn Beck-approved political camp for kids

July 31, 2011 / posted in Sociopolitical / 2 Comments

It’s very simple. Tell campers the following:

1. Every country in the world except the United States is populated and governed by stupid savages. When the leaders of every other country wake up, their first thought is “What can I do to take people’s liberty away?”. Anything that happens in another country can usually be compared to Naziism.

2. Everything was beautiful and wonderful in the United States until the evil liberal socialist terrorists took God out of schools. If a curious camper asks “What about slavery?”, tell them that African warlords sold the slaves and slavery was common back then, therefore it’s OK that it happened here. If a camper asks “What about the genocide of Native Americans, Jim Crow laws and lynchings?”, tell them that the lord works in mysterious ways.

3. Not using traditional incandescent lightbulbs is treasonous.

4. The Earth is 6,000 years old. If carbon dating shows that an artifact is more than 6,000 years old, obviously the person doing the carbon dating works for George Soros and wants to take away your liberty.

5. The moon is made of green cheese.

6. Thunder is the sound of angels bowling. If someone tries to tell you that thunder is the sound of the rapid expansion of air caused by the enormous release of electrical energy from lightning, that person is a traitor.

7. Not voting for Tea Party-friendly candidates is tantamount to attacking Pearl Harbor.

8. If a Muslim blows something up, all Muslims are extremist monsters. If a Christian blows something up, he’s not really a Christian.

9. If a Silver Star recipient doesn’t think a costly military operation launched by a Republican president is a good idea, he/she is a coward and an America-hater. It’s important to realize that even if you’ve never even been near a recruiter’s office.

10 Abortion is murder. Dropping 1,000-lb bombs on babies is noble and patriotic, as long as a Republican president gives the order.

11. Taxes are evil. Highways and bridges should just build themselves.

12. Global warming and evolution are laughable myths and not even worthy of scientific investigation. Walking on water, turning bread into fish, and snakes and burning bushes that talk are tested and verified empirical facts.

13. Restricting medical marijuana is patriotic. Attempting to keep rocket launchers and machine guns out of the hands of 10-year-olds is the work of a nanny state taking away your freedom.

14. Anything you hear outside of this camp regarding history, current events, politics, civics or religion is a lie. The presentation of alternative points of view is an attempt at indoctrination.

15. Anyone who is concerned about carcinogens in their drinking water hates America and wants to take away your freedom.

16. Once you have assimilated all these facts, become a smug, arrogant buttwipe, intoxicated on your knowledge of THE TRUTH. Scoff at any challenge of these facts. Check under your bed for evil socialist liberals before you turn out the light.

Open mouth. Insert foot. Repeat.

July 26, 2011 / posted in Sociopolitical / No Comments

Just when I was struggling to figure out what to write about, along comes Glenn Beck.

Before I give Glenn Beck both barrels, I’d like to extend my deepest condolences to everyone in Norway who has suffered losses in the massacre. Long live Norge! Skal to you all.

“There was a shooting at a political camp, which sounds a little like, you know, the Hitler Youth. I mean, who does a camp for kids that’s all about politics? Disturbing.”

Yeah, he really said that.

1. Great timing on those statements, Glenn. The corpses are still warm, and you’re comparing them to Hitler Youth. I’m sure the surviving family members really love your brilliant insight. You are a certified heap of hot garbage. When one of your loved ones dies, I’ll be sure to come to the funeral and say the person was a Nazi. You won’t mind, right? You’re a big, tough conservative, not a weak, whiny liberal, so you’ll be OK, right? 

2. Who does a camp for kids that’s all about politics? People in Norway do. They want to instruct their young people how to maintain the peaceful, stable, prosperous democracy they’ve achieved. Who else does a camp for kids that’s all about politics? How about Vacation Liberty School? Read for yourself: http://www.ivorynotebook.com/ 

Anyone feel like looking me in the eye and telling me that Vacation Liberty School is not about politics?

So let me get this straight. If the peaceful and prosperous people of Norway have a political camp, it’s akin to the Hitler Jugend….but if the Tea Party has a political camp…wait, let me guess. It’s patriotic?

3. Beck’s suck-ass lapdog fan club is trying to say that his statements are being “taken out of context” (see any comment thread on the major news sites’ coverage of this topic). WRONG. Wrong wrong wrong. On so many levels. There is absolutely no context in which it is OK to compare what happened in Nazi Germany to anything else. The events in Germany in the 1930s and 40s were a singular phenomenon. To compare anything else to that nightmare (particularly a camp that teaches kids how to be peace-loving and fair) is fatuous, opprobrious, offensive, outrageous, misguided, and should be punishable by public flogging.

The Beck fan club is also giving the guy a big thumbs-up for “pissing off the liberals”. Golly gee, what a lofty objective THAT is.

4. Really now, Glenn. Would it have killed you to just offer condolences to the people of Norway, maybe remark on how unfortunate it is that in the year 2011 we still haven’t figured out how to manage mental illness, and just leave it at that? Did you stop to think for one second that this horrid event had nothing to do with politics and everything to do with mental illness? Does it always have to be all conservative, all the time with you? Does the entire universe revolve around Tea Party ideology? When you’re at Thanksgiving dinner, do you call the green bean casserole a threat to liberty unless you’re positive the green beans were grown at a massive factory farm where the bigwigs generously contribute to Tea Party-friendly candidates’ re-election campaigns? Exactly how ridiculous are you?   

You are an embarrassment to America, Glenn Beck. People like you are the reason that half the world hates us. I bet you made a lot more sense when you were drinking and hitting the pipe. Someone needs to Super Glue your lips. Fart-knocker.

Waaaaah! Mommy! The bad man made an icky movie!

June 16, 2011 / posted in Sociopolitical / 4 Comments

This came to my attention yesterday. SPOILER ALERT.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2011/jun/06/human-centipede-sequel-bbfc

“The Human Centipede” has generated a storm of backlash and criticism. It really got under people’s fingernails. I’m a fan of horror movies, so it has become a favorite of mine. We fans of the movie have been labeled sick, stupid, sadistic, you name it. Tom Six, the director, gets death threats. That, my friends, is truly pathetic. Now the British Board of Film Classification has decided that the sequel, scheduled for release this summer, is just too horrible for public consumption. In other words, consenting, law-abiding adults are not allowed to enjoy what they choose. Here’s a list of reasons why that (and the avalanche of criticism from sanctimonious crybabies) is so cataclysmically ridiculous.

1. Exactly what makes the content of these movies so much more objectionable than any other horror movie, or any kind of movie which people are hurt and killed or otherwise mistreated by others? Yes, the content of “THC” is horrible and gross. What makes it any worse than Freddy Krueger the child molestor mutilating high schoolers? What makes it any worse than Jason Voorhees hacking up camp counselors? Do you want an axe through your skull? I know I don’t. Whew, good thing Friday the 13th is just a movie! Pray tell, what makes ”THC” or its sequel worse than the beach invasion in “Saving Private Ryan”? D-Day was an actual event, and its effects last to this day. To me, that makes it more horrifying than any movie in the horror genre (as a completely separate matter from any commentary about the actual event). The movie probably didn’t even capture the full scope of the killing and maiming. So historical events are less horrifying than made-up fantasy worlds, therefore it’s OK to make and watch movies about them, regardless of how many gallons of blood flow and how many intestines and severed limbs fly through the air? Is that how it works?

2. The BBFC cited fears of “real risk” to anyone who watched “THC 2″, in addition to their extremely inconsiderate revealing of plot spoilers. Beware! Sitting on your couch watching a movie constitutes a real risk! Now I’m scared just looking at my couch. And what’s that? Oh shit!!!! A TV!!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!! CALL 911!!!!!! *ducks and covers*

3. When will people get the memo? If you ban something, you make it more desirable. As soon as Tipper Gore and Susan Baker said The Mentors were bad (during the PMRC rampage of the 1980s…Google it for more info), my 16-year-old self joyfully said “I’m going to the mall to find me some Mentors!”. For the horror movie director, the death metal musician, the comedian, or any artist who pushes envelopes, being banned is a badge of honor. The more you’ve been banned, the better you become in the eyes of your fans.  

4. It’s awfully short-sighted of the BBFC to think that a ban will prevent anyone from seeing the sequel to The Human Centipede. Guess they haven’t heard of the Internet. If they haven’t heard of the internet, they probably haven’t heard of piracy either. How many of you come up short when you actively seek something on the Internet? Yeah, me neither. So there’s the BBFC, taking money out of merchants’ pockets while everyone who wants to see “THC 2″ watches it on their computers and tablets and passes it along to all their friends. Come on, BBFC, stop trying to run a perpetual Victorian-era high tea. It’s silly. You’re totally wasting your time.

5. What is a horror movie supposed to be? Um….thinking….pondering…racking my brain…steam coming out of my ears…OH YEAH! THAT”S RIGHT! HORRIFYING! Is there some objective measure of how horrifying a horror movie is supposed to be? What exactly is that objective measure? The “Saw” movies aren’t banned in Great Britain. What’s up with that? Sewing people together is verboten, but drowning a guy in pureed decomposing pigs gets the green light? Come on, man, seriously. The funnier a comedy movie is, the better it is. The more intense the action in an action movie, the better the movie is. And, ladies and gents, the more horrifying a horror movie is….the better it is! Honestly, this is not rocket science.

6. I don’t care what you like or what you don’t like. You DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT, I repeat one more time, DO NOT have the right to tell a director what kind of movie he can or cannot make, and you DO NOT have the right to tell me what kind of movies, music, or books I am allowed to enjoy, particularly in the privacy of my home. Every Brit should be in the street protesting the BBFC’s ban on “THC 2″ whether they’re inclined to watch it or not. They have now officially been regarded as stupid, helpless children who need Big Brother’s benevolent hand to guide them away from a movie with “real risk”. I’d be insulted as hell. If they try a ban of “THC 2″ here in the US, I’ll lead the charge against it. I’ll figure out a way to run the movie on the sides of skyscrapers. In hi-def. On a loop. I don’t care who sees it.

Censorship is evil. Period. There is absolutely nothing to be gained by trying to control what movies people watch, and much to lose by doing so. Censors lose the battle every time.

Your turn, readers. I know someone has something to say about this.

Another day, yet another bad politician

June 9, 2011 / posted in Sociopolitical / 1 Comment

Click the link to read about today’s bad politician.
http://www.wgal.com/politics/28157057/detail.html

Is this becoming a daily occurrence?

The Weiner scandal is obviously overshadowing the Galloway DUI event, which is a real shame. I’m fine with drinking, drink all you want. Just don’t threaten my life by driving drunk. DUI is a far worse offense than sending n00ds to strangers. It’s even worse than lying about sending n00ds.

Galloway had better suffer way worse consequences than Rep. Weiner. I accept absolutely no excuse for driving drunk, whether you’re a homeless crackhead or a state representative or the King of the Universe. I worry that Galloway is ultimately going to get away with this, given the lack of a media crapstorm about it.

The article says he told the police he was coming from the Capitol building. Great! Our elected officials get drunk on the job! Gives ya hope, doesn’t it?

Pretty disgusting, Rep. Galloway! Shameful, nauseating, embarrassing. It’s only a fluke that you didn’t cripple or kill someone. And if you drove drunk this time, I bet you’ve done it a bunch of other times. You need jail time, the loss of your driver’s license, and an end to your political career. The Commonwealth of PA deserves respectable men and women in office who commit to running the government and serving the populace, not drunken, impulsive overgrown teenagers.

He said “Weiner”

June 8, 2011 / posted in Sociopolitical / 4 Comments

Apparently decision-making skills are inversely proportional to intelligence. The consensus on Rep. Anthony Weiner appears to be that he’s a smart guy and a good politician. Too bad he has the decision-making skills of a pubescent kid.

I’m not some puritan pollyanna. I do, however, think that if you’re elected to a public office, and you get all the perks and prestige that go with it, you’re obligated to set the example for good behavior. And yes, that includes your private life.

Some people use sordid episodes like these to prove how absolutely right they are in their beliefs and how horribly wrong those evil “others” are. A Democrat Tweets naughty pics to someone, so all liberals are godless heathens who value personal satisfaction over the betterment of this grand old republic. A Republican gets caught with his drawers down, and suddenly all conservatives are hypocrites.

I’m not doing that. I’m in the growing camp that says “they’re all wrong and I wish they’d all just shut up, stop trying to prove how wonderful they are and how terrible the other side is, and fix the economy and infrastructure”. Of course, Americans love nothing more than a Good vs Evil struggle, whether it’s legitimate or not. So for the time being, I expect more of the same. There’s hypocrisy on all sides. There’s bad behavior on all sides. Is it any wonder that more and more people (such as my good self) refuse to align themselves politically? Can someone prove to me that I should like Democrats more than Republicans or vice versa? Probably not. I see a big game of Cowboys and Indians going on, with dueling sex scandals replacing tomahawks and rifles. Not impressed.

In light of that, why do politicians continue to give the other side ammo?

There seems to be an epidemic of people in the public eye falling from grace in a big way. It’s not such a shock when an actor or athlete gets in hot water for something. Let’s face it, people like that goof off for a living. A politician is different. A politician’s life, both in and out of the office, should match the grandiosity of his or her speeches.

If you read stories and comment threads about this latest comedy of errors, the predominant attitude appears to be “I don’t mind so much that he Tweeted unwholesome pics to someone he didn’t even know, I mind that he lied about it”. Can’t argue with that. But see, in other countries, particularly in Europe or Latin America, there aren’t legions of puritanical moral overseers decrying everyone’s sexual adventures to the point where politicians feel compelled to lie about untoward dalliances like there are here…hell, in other countries they celebrate stuff like that as long as consenting adults only are involved. But lying about it doesn’t fly in other countries or here.

Too many of our elected officials still don’t get it. They don’t get that every keystroke, every mouse click is being watched. They can hit “Delete” until their fingers fall off and those naughty pics or filthy conversations with 13-year-olds are still out there somewhere. Every text message, every IM, every call, every Tweet, every log-on to Adult Friend Finder, it’s all still there. To make things even more interesting, someone somewhere cannot wait to get ahold of any little tidbit that can wreck a career. Look at what happened. The lady Rep. Weiner sent the pics to ran to Andrew Breitbart and Fox News, two entities whose bread and butter is discrediting liberals and Democrats. Why would she do that after all the effusive praise she heaped upon Rep. Weiner?

Why wouldn’t she? She’s probably sitting first class on a Singapore Air flight to some south Pacific paradise right now after raking in fat paychecks from Breitbart and Fox.

See? Everything’s for sale. Keep it in mind if you’re in the public eye and have a taste for all things unwholesome in your private life. Private life is not private anymore, and it sure as hell ain’t private when you send n00ds to people you don’t even know.

Before they took God out of schools

June 6, 2011 / posted in Sociopolitical / 1 Comment

Glenn Beck and his followers lament the fact that we don’t have values. They pine for a glorious bygone era when Americans worked hard, didn’t rely on government handouts, didn’t suffer under the oppressive yoke of the Hollywood Left, and stuck to good ol’ Judeo Christian values.

Can you blame them? I mean, just look at the founding fathers at Salem, living the commandment not to bear false witness against thy neighbor…

Witness morals and values at work on the Trail of Tears…

And look at these intrepid, self-reliant patriots making America what it is! Good thing that evil Big Government wasn’t around to take away their freedom to torture other human beings to death!

See? It’s obvious that we need to restore honor to this great nation. Let’s get God back into school and love our neighbors!

R.I.P. Dr. Death

June 3, 2011 / posted in Sociopolitical / 2 Comments

Dr. Jack Kevorkian has passed away after a controversial career assisting those with terminal illnesses in ending their lives. He always struck me as a pretty creepy individual. Those cadaverous looks and his general demeanor made it unlikely that I’d ever have wanted to spend much time with the guy.

On the other hand, I believe he provided a valuable service. He spent 8 years in prison after being convicted of murder. I don’t consider that justice. Murder is taking someone’s life without their consent. Dr. Kevorkian did not have victims. He assisted people whose existences had become Hell on Earth, with no hope of recovery and the prospect of an agonizing death and/or continuing unbearable pain. These people were not murdered. They wanted to die with dignity and at their own discretion. Dr. Kevorkian wanted to help them do it.

Our laws say a dignified death is not an option. The law wants you to suffer. The law wants you to either rot away in a hospice or shoot yourself so your loved ones find your brains all over the wall. The prohibition against murder is based on a moral code, i.e., in a nutshell, it’s wrong to take someone’s life. If strict adherence to a moral code prohibits us from considering the cold, hard reality, then what is the use of a moral code?

In our system of justice, we try to ensure that mitigating factors are considered when deciding someone’s punishment. Was a mitigating factor ever more significant than in Dr. Kevorkian’s case? I’ve written in previous posts about my disdain for the arbitrary application of punishment. Kevorkian should not have been punished for what he did. I say it’s a dirty job, but someone’s got to do it. Why are we so afraid to accept the fact that life sucks sometimes? We all die, and for some people it gets brutal. The means to end your suffering should be made available. What more valuable service could you provide someone than making their exit from this world dignified? If the judge’s hands were tied because of what’s on the books, then the books need to change.

I also wonder about something else. If Dr. Kevorkian looked like someone from a “Twilight” movie instead of looking like a zombie, would he have gotten 8 years in the joint?

If you deny a terminally ill person the right to end their suffering by blocking their access to a dignified death, are you doing them a favor? Is that righteous?  I say hell no, and it’s time our society grows up and starts facing reality like adults.

Weather does not care about your beliefs

May 25, 2011 / posted in Sociopolitical / 4 Comments

I’m keeping this one short. I just want to say that anyone who uses every disaster to smugly validate their choices at the voting booth needs to be thrown off a cliff. Immediately.

Floods and tornadoes have nothing to do with politics or religion. They just happen. Yet every comment thread online is chock-full of semi-evolved mouth-breathers who connect weather-related tragedy to their political beliefs. “Global warming” this, “Obama The Muslim Socialist plays golf” that. FAIL FAIL FAIL.

If you’re guilty of that, get off of my page right now. And don’t come back. And punch yourself hard in the face at least 200 times.

Black Sabbath did not invent metal

May 23, 2011 / posted in Metal / 8 Comments

You’ve undoubtedly heard it a thousand times. Maybe you’ve said it yourself. “Black Sabbath invented metal”.

It’s nice to think things like that. There is no denying their massive impact on metal. They were certainly part of my introduction to heavier music during pre-adolescence and remain a favorite.

They did not invent metal. No one invented metal. Metal, like any other genre, was not invented. It was synthesized over time by taking elements of other styles and injecting different kinds of energy into those styles. Metal also evolves and becomes blended with other genres. The term “heavy metal” means something very different today than what it meant 20, 30, 40 years ago. Retro stoner metal and thrash notwithstanding, the metal albums produced this year will sound radically different than the ones produced in the 1970s or 80s.

A major problem with the assertion that “Sabbath invented metal” is that no one ever seems to come up with a formal, operationalized definition of the term “metal”. We know what it is, but we can’t really say exactly what it is. I know it when I hear it, but someone else may hear something altogether different from what I hear. Definitions and perceptions of metal vary almost infinitely. When I hear Poison, I don’t hear metal, I hear fun-time rock music that I can’t take seriously. When I hear Abysmal Torment, I hear metal, but other people hear talentless noise that they can’t take seriously (that’s their problem, I guess).

“There would be no metal without Sabbath”, some say. Malarkey. Sure, maybe there’d be no “War Pigs” if there was no Sabbath. But someone would have juiced up the already-existing rock music. Maximizing distortion, speeding things up, and roughening up lyrics was an inevitable process. Sabbath was scarier than the Beatles. The Beatles were scarier than Elvis. Elvis was scarier than Sinatra. Sinatra was scarier than Glenn Miller. On and on, back to the first guy who thought a mastodon’s thigh bone sounded cool when banged against a log.

“Sabbath wrote every metal riff ever”, said Rob Zombie on one of those shameful VH1 “documentaries” about metal. Really now? I don’t hear much Sabbath in anything modern but stoner rock/metal. If you hear an Aborym song that sounds like any Sabbath song, do drop me a line.

Yes, Black Sabbath was very influential. That doesn’t make them inventors. All they did was hot-rod the blues rock they were already playing. Their rapid rise to stardom suggests to me that a lot of other people were hungry for something beyond the flower-power music of the day, which further suggests that other people may have had ideas in mind for making a similar type of music.

Besides, they didn’t invent blast beats, tremolo picking or distorted vocals, all of which are crucial to much of modern metal.

Legendary? Yes. Influential? Yes. Innovative? Definitely. The single reason metal exists? No way.

How to make America great

May 16, 2011 / posted in Sociopolitical / 9 Comments

Sick of listening to Rush Limbaugh whine about liberals? Weary of Rachel Maddow whining about conservatives? Had enough of actually being the one doing all the whining? You’ve come to the right place! I am here to help you get over being such a sanctimonious poopy-face and actually make America a great place.
Rallies won’t do it. Books and broadcasts about the other side wrecking the country won’t either. Demanding that everyone adopt the exact same beliefs sure won’t. Pedantic warnings about the calamitous results of people having different beliefs from your own won’t. Practical, real-life actions will. So, my distinguished colleagues, sit there and find 500 more websites which purport to tell you “the truth” about the political guy you don’t like. Or, as an alternative, you could stop wasting oxygen and do one or more of these:
- Volunteer at a soup kitchen, hospital, prison or animal shelter.
- Plant a tree.
- Pick up trash along a highway or in a parking lot.
- On that note, stop littering, you slob. Do I dump my trash in your living room? Want me to start?
- Put together a care package for deployed military personnel. Go to Anysoldier.com if you want to put your money where your yellow ribbon sticker is.
- Visit a VA center or hospital and let old veterans talk your ear off for an hour or two.
- Take a class. Any class. They’re a dime a dozen, and there’s a course on everything from tying your shoes to designing CAT scanners.
- Be a Big Brother/Big Sister.
- Replace the batteries in your smoke detectors. Make sure there are working smoke detectors on every floor of your home. Firefighters will appreciate not having to haul your incinerated corpse out of the charred wreckage of your home.
- Take a defensive driving course and stop threatening my life with your bad driving.
- On that note, make sure your vehicle is safe to drive. If you’re a gearhead, do it yourself. If you’re not, have a gearhead do it. NOW.
- Trade your big obnoxious SUV for a small, fuel-efficient car that won’t smash me into particles if it hits my small, fuel-efficient car.
- Stop talking on your phone in public before I put your phone somewhere where you’ll have an awfully hard time talking on it.
- If you enjoy frequent intimate encounters with multiple partners, get tested for STDs. If your results come up hot, stop enjoying frequent intimate encounters with multiple partners.
- Lose some weight. You do realize that we’re the laughing stock of the civilized world because more than half of you barely fit through doorways, right?
- Start a neighborhood crime watch.
- Walk or bike instead of driving.
- If you own firearms, use and maintain them in a safe, responsible manner.
- Stop listening to country music.
As usual, add your own!

Stop using the following words and phrases immediately

May 9, 2011 / posted in Sociopolitical / 12 Comments

Just stop. These bits of verbal tripe are nothing but pollution.

-“It is what it is”. Oh, so THAT’S what it is. *sigh*

-“at the end of the day”. Newsflash. Every day ends, and whatever condition to which you are referring will most likely exist tomorrow as well.

-“just sayin’”

-a “schmear” of peanut butter/cream cheese/other spreadable substance

-“sammich”. Worse still, “sammy”

-“a hot cuppa”. Just call it coffee, for goodness’ sakes.

-“sourced”, as in “Our milk is sourced from organic dairy farms”. Where the hell did that one come from? Just say you buy the milk from organic dairy farms.

-“funk” to describe a disagreeable odor

-“kill your mother music” (or variants thereof such as “rape your dog music”)

-“freshen up”. As if I don’t know that means you’re going to take a shit.

-“our brave men and women in uniform”. Just say “soldiers”, “Marines”, “sailors”, “airmen”, or “troops” or risk sounding like an ass-kissy douche.

-“badonkadonk”

-“proactive”

-“hun”, “sweetie”, “darlin’”, etc., especially if I don’t know you. Some women in the southern US can get away with it. But in most cases, if you don’t send me a check for my birthday or bounce bedsprings with me, DO NOT CALL ME THAT.

-“cool beans”

-“finagle”

-“going forward”. Just so you know, this phrase does not make you sound any more official or important than “from now on”.

By all means, feel free to add to the list. I’m sure there’s a bunch I missed.

Why metal is better than the crap you listen to

May 7, 2011 / posted in Metal / 6 Comments

Do you really need to read more commentary on Osama, Obama, Palin, abortion, liberals, conservatives, and conspiracy theories right now? Of course you don’t. I don’t need to write it either. Instead I’ll gush about the world’s greatest musical genre. Metal.

Metal is the single most amazing form of music known to Man, and no other genre in history has scaled the heights of artistic greatness like metal has. Here’s why.

  1. Metal artists do not do what they do to get rich. They do it because they love it deeply. The aim is not to amass a fortune. The aim is not to reach a position from which you can command roadies to remove all the green M&Ms from the mother-of-pearl bowl in your dressing room.  A few do get rich. Most don’t. The aim of metal musicians is to create and play music they love for themselves and other people who appreciate their efforts. If you get rich doing it, cool. If you don’t, that’s fine too. Many well-known metal artists have not yet quit their day jobs but have fans in every corner of the globe anyway.
  2. In the face of widespread criticism, ridicule, and sometimes legal action, metal artists don’t quit. Rolling Stone thinks metal is a joke? Shows get picketed? Bands get dragged into court on charges of making people commit suicide or murder? LOL.
  3. You can do anything with metal. You can sing in a nice pretty la-la voice. You can roar like all the wolves in the Carpathian Forest. You can do anything in between. You can sing or roar about slaying dragons, casting spells, breaking the law, hacking off limbs, breeding colonies of maggots in your decaying corpse, or skipping through a meadow on a sunny spring day. You can be ecstatic, moderately amused, suicidal, homicidal or bored. You can worship God or you can worship Satan. You can subtly encourage kids to drink their milk and be respectful to their elders, or you can flagrantly encourage people to commit capital offenses. You can extol the virtues of sobriety or celebrate your booze-soaked, resin-encrusted lifestyle.  You can criticize or praise the government. You can sing or roar about your ancestors or the crackhead on the corner. You can play loudly or softly. You can play at warp speed or at a snail’s pace. You can make people laugh or make them cry. I’m sorry, but even the most skilled jazz ensemble would sound pretty silly if the vocalist were singing about tombs, the December full moon and genital-eating mutant zombies. So would Justin Bieber. So would Toby Keith.
  4. You can be the world’s most brilliant Julliard-trained musician or have the musical skills of a grated carrot and still create something that someone somewhere will like. Don’t believe me? Talk to Goat Phallus.
  5. Men can play it, women can play it, kids can play it, senior citizens can play it. Hetero or otherwise, you can play it. Black, white, brown, yellow, red, or all 5 mixed, you can play it. Three PhDs? Barely pulled off a GED? Chief of Neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins? Garbage collector? Doesn’t matter. Rich or poor, if you’ve got the spirit, you can create masterpieces that people all over the world will love. Can you say that about all genres? Ever hear white college boys playing reggae? How’d that go? Case closed.
  6. In parts of the world where living conditions are rough, people pinch pennies and eat shoe leather for months, even years, so that they may purchase metal albums and show or festival tickets. Your average U2 fan wouldn’t do that.  
  7. Metal endures. It survives every trend. It even survives trends within the genre itself. Will Lady Gaga be filling arenas with fans of all ages in 35 years? Yeah, OK. I just saw Iron Maiden, a band that has been active since 1976, play Tampa, FL, and there were 8-year-old kids wearing “Piece of Mind” shirts. Metal has never been “dead”, like mainstream media would have you believe. If 8-year-olds are wearing “Piece of Mind” shirts and singing along to “Hallowed Be Thy Name” in the year 2011, I’m thinking reports of metal’s death are greatly exaggerated.

 I’d say that’s a slam-dunk. Disagree? Die.

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